Tossing Lines to Connect with Others

Every day, we are tossing lines to those around us, hoping to help them think differently about a situation. By tossing someone a line — asking a question, or telling a story that helps them reflect on themselves — we can effect positive change on ourselves and create deeper connections with those around us.

The most courageous actions you or anyone can take are to look at yourself, acknowledge your fears, and create a new unknown story — all with self-acceptance and authenticity. Below, I share an introduction into tossing lines, and how this tool can help you connect with others.

How to Toss a Line 

I have been tossing lines for decades, learning along the way that it’s up to the line receiver to choose to connect. The most common question my Scared Self asks is “How long is this going to take?” 

Not surprisingly, others often ask me this question, too. 

The line I toss to myself is: The most courageous actions you or anyone will ever take are to look at your Self, acknowledge your fear, create a new unknown story, and not make your Self wrong or bad.

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Tossing Lines — The Reception

Receiving a line toss is scary. It triggers us to look at our Scared Self, reflect on how we are doing, and (if the line was tossed well) blame ourselves.

Remember when you learned you are going to grow old, lose your capacity to live a good life, and then die? Your Scared Self was in control that day! But the person who tossed the line stayed with you and did not comfort or upset you. (Yes, I have done both). Instead, they “Let you sit in your own mess” (Remember, you created your mess.)

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Tossing Lines — The Response

People you’ve tossed a line to may become aggressive and want an answer; just be with them.  They may run away; be there when they come back. They may come back with proof you were wrong; be open to learning and be with them. The harder they fight the mechanisms of the world, the quicker they will connect with you. Just be there with them.

My current strategy to connect is to let them do whatever they want, and I will be my stand. When they miss a meeting or a call, run away, or just don’t respond, I accept them as they are and are not, and do so quietly.

When they come back I welcome them authentically, knowing they are courageously overcoming their Scared Self. I never chase. I have tried chasing, but I get tired and they keep looking at me as the problem. Chasing gives them someone else to focus on besides themselves and lets their Scared Self be in control. Accept all declines quietly, welcome back authentically, and never chase. This is my stand; what is yours?  

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Want to learn more about Tossing Lines and strengthening connections? Enroll in an upcoming MacklinConnection workshop.