What Is Personal Agency? Why Leaders Give It Away Without Realizing

Deb begins by simply defining agency as noticing that you always have a choice.

Ron builds on that by exploring how people create a “stand” in life: what they will do, what they will not do, and what they might do. Over time, those stands become part of a personal philosophy.

The challenge is that most people do not consciously choose every part of that philosophy.

They drift into it. They inherit it. They absorb it. 

Then they forget it was ever optional.

This matters deeply for leadership development because leaders do not simply lead from strategies or job titles. They lead from the stories they believe are true.

If a leader believes people cannot be trusted, that story shapes the company. If a leader believes disagreement is dangerous, that story shapes meetings. If a leader believes they must have all the answers, that story shapes the entire team.

Leadership development begins when leaders notice the philosophy they are already living from.

Company Culture Reflects the Stories Leaders Choose

Ron and Deb discuss how personal stands show up in behavior.

If someone says they do not trust doctors, their behavior may reveal it: they avoid checkups, delay care, or dismiss professional advice. If someone says they do not trust lawyers, they may avoid getting help even when that help could protect them.

The same pattern happens inside organizations. A company culture is not just what leaders say they believe. It is what their behavior reveals.

If leaders say they want innovation but punish disagreement, the real stand is control.

If leaders say they want ownership but make every decision themselves, the real stand is dependence.

If leaders say they value communication but avoid hard conversations, the real stand is comfort.

Strong company culture is built when leaders take responsibility for the stories driving their behavior and choose whether those stories still serve the organization.

Communication Problems Begin When “That’s Just the Way It Is” Takes Over

One of the most important phrases in this episode is: “That’s just the way it is.”

Ron and Deb point out that this phrase often signals a loss of agency. When people believe something is fixed and permanent, they stop questioning it. They stop choosing. They stop taking responsibility. They simply accept the story as reality.

That mindset creates major communication problems in organizations. People stop offering ideas because they believe nothing will change. Teams stop challenging leadership because they believe decisions are already made. Employees stop taking ownership because they believe the system controls everything.

Leaders stop growing because they believe their style is simply “who they are.” When agency disappears, communication becomes passive. People wait, comply, blame, avoid, or stay silent.

Agency brings communication back to life because it restores the possibility of choice.

Executive Coaching and the Power to Change Your Stand

In executive coaching, one of the most powerful shifts a leader can make is moving from blame to choice.

Ron gives the example of changing his stand about lawyers. He grew up with stories that lawyers were bad, expensive, or unhelpful. But through experience, he began to see that lawyers could be valuable partners who understood the language of the law and helped him succeed.

His stand changed. That is philosophical agency in action.

Deb explores a similar idea with ADHD. Instead of saying, “I make piles because I have ADHD,” she begins reframing ADHD as part of who she is and even as a superpower. That shift does not deny reality. It changes her relationship to it.

This is a key lesson for leaders: Agency does not mean pretending circumstances do not exist. It means choosing how you relate to them.

For executives, that distinction is critical. A leader can blame the market, the economy, the team, the board, the past, or the culture. Or they can ask:

What is my stand?

Did I choose it?

Is it still serving me?

What else could I choose now?

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Leadership Training Must Help People Move from Blame to Responsibility

Ron and Deb explore several examples of how people give up agency by blaming circumstances.

Some of these circumstances may be real. Some may create genuine difficulty. Ron and Deb are not suggesting that life is equal or that every path is equally available to everyone.

But they are pointing to something essential: When the reason becomes the source of the choice, agency disappears.

Effective leadership training helps people distinguish between facts and stories. It helps leaders recognize where they may be using circumstances to avoid responsibility, avoid discomfort, or avoid choice.

This is not about blame. It is about freedom. Because when people reclaim agency, they regain access to new action.

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Leadership Programs Need to Challenge Echo Chambers

Deb asks whether surrounding yourself only with people who think like you helps you grow, innovate, or notice your own agency.

The answer is usually no.

Echo chambers reinforce the stories people already believe. They make inherited philosophies feel natural, obvious, and permanent. They reduce exposure to alternative ways of thinking, living, leading, and relating.

Ron shares how travel helped him expand his own agency. By moving around the country and living in different cultures, he and Connie encountered many ways of being. That exposure allowed him to choose what fit, borrow useful practices, and expand his sense of what was possible.

Learning how to incorporate this in your day-to-day life, or through leadership programs, is crucial.

If leaders only surround themselves with agreement, they may become more comfortable – but less creative, less adaptive, and less aware.

Healthy leadership programs expose leaders to disagreement, differences, challenges, and new perspectives.

That is you can grow in your own personal agency.

Why Yes-Men Destroy Innovation and Company Culture

Deb brings the conversation into business by naming the danger of the “yes man” syndrome.

Leaders, CEOs, and business owners may surround themselves with people who do not challenge them because it feels comfortable. Ron notes that control is often comfortable because the leader gets to tell people what to do and avoid disruption.

But comfort has a cost.

A controlled organization may be predictable, but it does not grow in the same way. It does not invite new ideas. It does not help people bloom. It does not create a culture where everyone contributes.

If every problem causes the team to look at the CEO for the answer, the organization is dependent.

If people look at each other, challenge each other, and contribute together, the organization becomes stronger.

Ron and Deb argue that groups where everyone gets to contribute will outperform groups built around control.

In business coaching entrepreneurs, these questions often reveal the hidden stories driving their own leadership behavior. Once those stories become visible, leaders can choose whether to keep them, revise them, or let them go.

Communication Problems Improve When Leaders Choose Differently

When leaders reclaim agency, communication changes. 

Instead of saying, “This is just how I am,” they can say, “This is the way I have been leading, and I can choose something different.”

Instead of saying, “My team never brings ideas,” they can ask, “What culture have I created that makes people wait for direction?”

Instead of saying, “No one challenges me,” they can ask, “Have I made it safe for people to disagree?”

This shift turns communication problems into leadership opportunities.

Agency allows leaders to stop treating behavior as fixed and start treating it as chosen. And what can be chosen can be changed.

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If you’re navigating AI adoption, leadership challenges, or cultural shifts inside your organization, we’d love to hear your story. Reach out to Ron at ron@macklinconnection.com or Deb at deb@macklinconnection.com to learn more about joining a community designed to support your personal and professional growth.

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