The Real Reason You Don’t Talk to the People Who Could Change Your Life

Ron opens the conversation by distinguishing real social connection from what often passes as social connection today. Social media may be called “social,” but much of it is one-way communication. True social connection happens when people talk with each other, ask questions, listen, and engage.

That is where social agency begins. It is the belief that you can approach another human being and have a conversation. You might be nervous. You might not know what to say. You might make up that they are too busy, too important, too different, or not interested. But those are still stories, and social agency is the ability to notice those stories without letting them make the choice for you.

This matters deeply for leadership development because leaders do not build trust, relationships, or company culture from a distance. They build it through conversations.

Leadership Development Requires the Courage to Start Conversations

Ron and Deb use the example of sitting next to someone on an airplane. Do you talk to the person next to you? Or do you assume they do not want to talk because they are wearing headphones, looking away, or giving off signals that say, “Leave me alone”?

Deb notices how quickly she can make judgments based on what she thinks someone else wants. Ron points out that those signals may not mean what we think they mean. The person may not be rejecting connection. They may simply be scared too.

That same pattern shows up in leadership. Leaders often assume they know what people are thinking before they ever ask. They assume an employee is disengaged, a team member does not care, or a conversation will go badly. But assumptions are not conversations. When leaders let assumptions replace curiosity, they give up their social agency.

Communication Problems Begin Before the Conversation Starts

Many communication problems begin before anyone speaks. We create an entire story in our head before the conversation happens. We decide someone is too important, too busy, too different, too intimidating, or not interested. At the same time, we judge ourselves as not smart enough, not interesting enough, not important enough, or not worthy of being heard.

The result is silence.

Inside organizations, that silence can become culture. People do not speak up in meetings. They do not ask questions. They do not share ideas. They do not challenge decisions. On the surface, it may look like disengagement. Underneath, the story may be, “I do not have the agency to say this,” or “I will look stupid,” or “They do not really want to hear from me.”

When people believe those stories, communication becomes smaller. And when communication becomes smaller, the organization becomes smaller with it.

Company Culture Depends on Who Feels Safe to Speak

Deb connects social agency to psychological safety. If people feel unsafe asking questions, offering ideas, or challenging assumptions, they begin to protect themselves. She shares how being “smacked down” for asking questions taught her not to ask certain questions anymore. Even more importantly, the people watching learned the same lesson.

That is how company culture forms. Not just through values on a wall or what leaders say they want, but through what happens in the room when someone takes a risk and speaks.

Leaders play a major role in setting that tone. But Ron adds another important distinction: followers also help create the tone. If one person gets shut down and everyone else goes silent, the culture learns one lesson. But if person after person continues to ask real questions and bring ideas forward, the leader eventually has to notice that this is not one person being difficult. It is a culture issue.

Healthy company culture requires both leaders and team members to exercise social agency.

Executive Coaching and the Danger of Blaming the Team

Deb brings the conversation into a common leadership challenge: the leader who says, “I just need a whole new team.” They believe their people are not bringing ideas, not innovating, not challenging assumptions, or not keeping up.

Ron points out the danger in that story. Once a leader gives up on someone, confirmation bias takes over. They begin finding evidence that the person is not enough.

In executive coaching, this is a critical leadership moment. A leader can blame the team, or they can ask a different set of questions. What kind of environment have I created? Do people feel safe bringing ideas to me? Do they look to me for every answer? Have I trained them to wait for direction? Have I made it costly to speak up?

Social agency challenges leaders to look at their own role in the communication patterns around them. If no one brings new ideas, the problem may not be the team. It may be the culture the leader has created.

Leadership Training Must Help Teams Stay Curious After Finding an Answer

Ron and Deb discuss how people often stop looking once they find “the answer.” Deb compares it to losing your keys. Once you find the key, you stop searching.

But in leadership, stopping too soon can limit innovation. The first answer may work, but that does not mean it is the best answer. It may simply be the answer that confirmed what you already believed.

Strong leadership training helps leaders and teams stay in the question longer. How do we keep looking after we find an answer? How do we stay curious? How do we avoid shutting down conversation just because we found something that works?

This is especially important for leadership programs focused on innovation, communication, and team performance. The strongest teams do not stop at the first answer. They keep talking, keep challenging, and keep building together.

AI, Groupthink, and Social Agency

Deb raises an important concern about AI and team performance. AI may help individuals improve their performance, but when teams rely heavily on AI separately, they may begin producing similar ideas. Instead of building on diverse human perspectives, everyone may arrive with a version of the same answer.

Ron connects this to agency. AI can think quickly. It can generate ideas. It can help individuals work faster. But if people give their psychological, philosophical, or social agency over to AI, the result will not necessarily be a stronger human team. It may become a form of groupthink.

This matters for leaders navigating AI in the workplace. AI can be a powerful tool, but it cannot replace the human work of connection. Teams still need people who can talk, challenge, ask questions, disagree, and choose together. Leadership programs must help people use AI without surrendering their agency to it.

Why Social Agency Matters for Company Culture and Innovation

Ron shares a personal story about reaching out to Monty Roberts after realizing he needed permission to use one of Monty’s videos in his work. Rather than keeping the interaction at a distance, Ron chose to go in person. He was scared. He arrived early. He had all kinds of stories in his head about how it could go wrong.

But because he exercised social agency, the conversation became meaningful. He spent the afternoon with Monty and his wife, talking, learning, asking questions, and building a relationship.

That is the power of social agency. The person who could change your thinking may be sitting next to you on an airplane. They may be the speaker at a conference. They may be the person driving your taxi or Uber. They may be a team member you have not really listened to. They may be someone you assume is too different to approach.

Strong company culture is built when people believe they can talk across difference, status, fear, and uncertainty.

Communication Problems Improve When People Take Back Their Social Agency

Ron and Deb close the episode by inviting listeners to examine the stories that prevent connection. Are they better than you? Are you better than them? Are they too busy? Are you not important enough? Do they already know more than you? Will you look foolish?

Each of these stories can become a wall. Brick by brick, they keep people from exercising social agency.

But when we challenge those stories, new possibilities open. We may learn something. We may build a relationship. We may change how we see the world. We may discover that the person we were afraid to talk to was also waiting for someone to begin.

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If you’re navigating AI adoption, leadership challenges, or cultural shifts inside your organization, we’d love to hear your story. Reach out to Ron at ron@macklinconnection.com or Deb at deb@macklinconnection.com to learn more about joining a community designed to support your personal and professional growth.

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