Episode 36: The Story You’re Afraid to Say with Tyler Foley
Michelle opens by asking Tyler about the story behind his book The Power to Speak Naked.
- Tyler responds by saying there is a different story behind the title of the book, and the content of the book itself.
- He relays the stories behind the creation of the title itself, including a story about a time when he truly did give a speech naked (for charity).
- He also describes where the content of the book came from, what it is about, and what he hopes that people can learn from the book.
Ron pulls a quote from Tyler’s response, “the thing that you’re afraid to say is what your audience needs to hear,” and then asks him to say more about that.
- Tyler says there is always a piece that speakers are always hesitant to share, for a multitude reasons, but that is the piece of the story that people can often connect to the most.
- He continues by stating examples of when this is the case, when people are often afraid to speak up, but once they do lots of other people connect with that story.
- Tyler then gives an example from one of his own talks where he relayed a personal story that he isn’t always willing to share, but noticed that once he did, members of the audience that were initially disengaged were now suddenly very attentive because they connected with that story.
Michelle asks Tyler if there were any stories that he had to change for that bravery to come out.
- He initially describes how nobody is really afraid of public speaking, but actually afraid of public judgement.
- Tyler continues by describing why this fear is irrational, and gives advice on how to change this story.
- He then gives real world examples of places and times where the story in your head is misleading you, and encourages people to think the opposite.
Ron notes that Tyler has used the word ‘story’ multiple times in his answer to the previous question, which Ron then asks what role that plays in his life and how he communicates.
- Tyler notes that this is how we, as humans, communicate with one another.
- He relates how stories are how we can walk a mile in others’ shoes, and it’s how we can gain empathy and sympathy.
- He concludes that the lack of stories is where there is breakdown of communication.
Michelle asks what stories have changed in his life in order for him to be able to be where he is today.
- Tyler describes how his viewpoint on this is constantly changing and evolving, including the example of how he thought he was going to a bachelor for his entire life, but then that changed when he met his now wife.
- He then relays another story that he worked to change which was, “I’m not good enough,” and how he was able to change that story by viewing it from a different perspective.
- He says that the reality of the world is a story that he tells himself, and it’s up to himself of how he wants to create his own world.
Ron asks Tyler what his process and strategy is for changing the stories that he doesn’t like.
- Tyler says that the first thing he does is script out the opposite of the current story he is telling himself.
- He continues by describing how there is a yin and yang of the world, ebbs and flows, and he focuses on just finding the truth.
- After figuring out the story and the truth behind it, he says, is when he can start playing with the “what if” scenarios, and whether he wants to change that, and how he can change that.
- He describes how he learned this skill very early on in his acting career.
Michelle notes that he has helped a lot of people overcome their fear of public speaking, and asks why he thinks people choose him over someone else.
- Tyler notes that there are two stories that he helps people work through: what is your story and how to tell their story so that it has impact
- He then works through this process himself of finding his own stories, which he notes he has done many times before, but wanted to give the example.
- He describes who many of his typical clients are, why they think they don’t have stories, and then says the final step is to figure out how to tell that story in an impactful way.
Ron asks Tyler the best way to get ahold of him in case the listeners would like to do that.
- Tyler says the listeners first go give this podcast a 5 star review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever they are listening to this podcast.
- He also asks to leave a comment so that they can better serve the audience.
- Then he says, people can reach out to him on his website: seantylerfoley.com
- Tyler continues by describing ways that people can connect via his facebook group, and all the freebies they will get.
Ron asks Tyler if he has any questions for either him or Michelle, to which he asks Michelle what the story in her head is that needs to be changed.
- Michelle says the most recurring one is the story of ‘I am not enough.’
- She relays a story of how she has recognized that story in her own life, and in other people in her life.
- She then says how she has realized that that story isn’t just hers, and how that helped her realize that she doesn’t need that story anymore.
Join us to hear how understanding the idea of “self talk” — and what you can do about it — could change your relationships and life for the better.