Purpose

Are You Living Your Purpose—or Someone Else's?

Why are you doing what you're doing?

It's a simple question, but how often do you actually stop to ask it? We make decisions, build careers, raise families, develop routines, and fill our days with activities. Over time, it's easy to become so accustomed to what we're doing that we stop questioning why we're doing it in the first place.

In this episode of The Story in Your Head, Ron and Michelle explore what it means to create a purpose for the things we do, how our purposes change over time, and what happens when we find ourselves living inside a purpose we haven't consciously chosen.

What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?

When Michelle asks Ron what the word "purpose" triggers for him, he describes it as a complex idea. We can have a purpose for almost anything, from the work we do to the way we spend an afternoon. For Ron, the word invites a question he has practiced asking himself: "Why am I doing this?"

That question opens up another possibility. If we can create purposes for different parts of our lives, how do we decide which ones matter most? What happens when our purposes compete, or when something that once felt important no longer holds the same meaning?

Michelle explores the question through her experience playing tennis. Having a purpose changes how she approaches the activity and what she hopes to get from it. Without a purpose, she notices that she can begin drifting rather than consciously choosing what she's doing.

The conversation raises an interesting distinction. Having a purpose doesn't necessarily mean pursuing a grand ambition or accomplishing something extraordinary. It can be as simple as knowing why you've chosen to do what you're doing.

Are You Creating Your Purpose or Living Someone Else's?

Ron introduces one of the episode's most provocative ideas: When he isn't creating his own purpose, he may find himself living inside someone else's purpose.

Consider how easily that can happen. We follow routines because they're familiar, accept expectations because they've always been there, or continue pursuing goals we established years ago without asking whether they still matter to us.

Ron uses watching Netflix as an everyday example. There's nothing inherently wrong with spending an evening watching television. Relaxing, enjoying a story, or spending time with someone can all be purposes we consciously choose.

The distinction is whether we're choosing how to spend our time or simply allowing something else to determine what happens next.

Ron isn't suggesting that we must avoid participating in other people's purposes. In fact, he recognizes that doing so can be valuable and enjoyable. The difference is whether we have a purpose of our own for participating.

It's a subtle shift, but one that changes the question from "What am I doing?" to "Why am I choosing to do this?"

The Practice of Asking Why

Michelle asks Ron how he recognizes when he's living inside someone else's purpose rather than one he's created for himself.

Ron describes developing a practice of asking, "Why am I doing this?" He uses the question to become more aware of his choices and the purposes behind them, drawing on experiences from his own life that led him to begin practicing this way.

The practice hasn't eliminated moments when he finds himself following someone else's purpose, nor is that his goal. Instead, it gives him an opportunity to notice what's happening and choose how he wants to participate.

This isn't about examining every moment until life becomes exhausting. It's about becoming curious when we notice ourselves drifting, reacting automatically, or continuing something simply because we've always done it.

The question can be useful in surprisingly ordinary situations. Why am I attending this meeting? Why am I continuing this activity? Why am I having this conversation? Why am I spending my time this way?

Sometimes the answer confirms that we're doing exactly what we want to be doing. Other times, it reveals that we haven't considered the question in a long time.

What Happens When Your Purpose Changes?

Michelle brings the conversation into parenting, where the idea of changing purposes becomes especially clear.

When children are young, much of a parent's attention goes toward keeping them safe and meeting their needs. As children grow, the relationship changes. Michelle describes how her purpose as a parent evolved from providing care to helping her children discover their interests, abilities, and the direction they wanted to take in life.

Ron reflects on his own experience as a parent and the purposes he has created along the way. One of the most important, he explains, is making sure his children know there is someone who believes in them and will always have their back.

Their conversation illustrates something that applies far beyond parenting. A purpose that made sense at one stage of life may need to change as the people and circumstances involved change.

We don't necessarily stop caring about something when our purpose changes. We may simply begin seeing new possibilities for how we want to participate.

The same question can arise in careers, relationships, and the organizations we help build. A purpose that once energized us may no longer fit the person we've become. We may continue pursuing it out of habit, loyalty, or an assumption that changing direction would mean abandoning something important.

But what if changing our purpose is simply part of continuing to create our lives?

Purpose Is Something We Keep Creating

Throughout the conversation, Ron and Michelle return to the idea that purpose isn't necessarily something we discover once and carry unchanged for the rest of our lives.

It's something we can continue creating.

That doesn't mean every decision requires a profound reason or that every activity must contribute to a larger goal. Rest, enjoyment, curiosity, connection, and simply having fun can all be purposes worth choosing.

What matters is recognizing that we have a say in why we're doing what we're doing.

When we begin practicing that awareness, we may discover that some of our purposes still fit beautifully. Others may have changed without our noticing. And some may never have been purposes we consciously chose in the first place.

Before moving on to the next thing on your calendar, consider asking yourself:

Why am I doing this?

And perhaps an even more interesting question:

If I were choosing my purpose today, would I choose the same one?

‍