Episode 39: Noticing Noticings
Michelle opens the episode by defining the word “Notice” from the dictionary, and then asks Ron what that triggers or means for him.
- Ron starts by saying it triggers a few different thoughts.
- The first is that he is noticing all the time, which is when he is making up a story based on the sensations he is receiving from his body.
- The second is what other people notice, which is the same thing he is doing, but to realize others are doing that same thing.
- The third is the one is where he says it gets really intriguing which is to notice what other people are noticing.
- Michelle responds to the first two types of noticing before they deep dive into the third version of noticing.
- Ron asks a follow up question to better understand the story that Michelle went through to recognize and change one of the stories in her head.
- Michelle describes her experience of shifting from her ‘scared self’ story to changing to being willing to be noticed in order to make a difference.
Ron then begins the deep dive into noticing what other people are noticing.
- He describes the method he uses to figure out what other people are noticing, which is to repeat the words that people are saying in his own head.
- What he noticed is that when he was repeating the words they were saying, he began to be able to recreate the stories they are telling themselves, but in his own head.
- He found that through doing this he found himself at peace, and being with that person, along with an endless list of questions to ask about what they are noticing.
- Michelle says that this practice is newer to her, but since beginning she has noticed that she is more present with the person.
Ron notes that there are two thoughts that he holds in his head about continuing this practice of repeating others words in his own head.
- The first is to surrender to being enough and the second is the power of being heard.
- He then describes what each of those thoughts mean in more depth, including a personal story.
- Michelle responds to the story by sharing her reaction when she realizes she is truly being heard.
- She notes that when you practice this, you build a level of trust with that person because you know they are truly listening to what you are saying and know they are willing to work through it with you.
- Ron says there are times when he notices that people aren’t aware of every word they are saying, and then reflects on himself and his own words.
- He notes that noticing what other people are noticing, you can understand who they are, what they care about, and it creates a space to connect on a level that is authentic and dignified.
Ron asks Michelle which she think works faster: repeating others’ words into your own head and thinking about it, or repeating those words and then asking them clarifying details.
- Michelle says it is definitely asking questions, because it not only slows the other person down to more carefully consider their words, but it also slows her down to keep her from creating stories in her own head that might not even be true.
- Ron says that he completely agrees, and it makes it easier to create a shared story and common understanding, while building trust along the way.
- Ron gives an example of what happens if you only repeat the words in your own head, but ask no follow up questions.
Michelle asks if Ron has ever experienced a time where the follow up questions have produced a common understanding but not a common agreement.
- Ron says he has experienced that and adds that there are ways for those two understandings to co-exist together, even if they don’t align.
- Michelle says that when this happens for her, understanding where the other person is coming from helps her come away with no judgement.
- Ron gives a personal example and how differently they view life, but neither one of them is wrong.
- What do you notice from this episode?
- What do you notice about other people?
- Have you practiced repeating what others are saying in their own head to figure out what they are noticing?
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