Michelle shares a story about her daughter. As a teenager, her daughter was sarcastic and “snarky,” so every year for Christmas, Michelle would buy her a T-shirt that said something sarcastic. But now, her daughter is 24 years old, and she’s not the same person anymore as she was as a teenager. Michelle realized she was creating that way of being for her daughter.
Michelle decided to change the tradition this year. In addition to the funny T-shirt, she gifted her another one that was related to leadership. Not only did the gift change, but Michelle’s story about her daughter changed.
Ron says there have been times in his career where he made up stories about others: They’re mean, they’re jealous, or something else. But when he stopped to take responsibility for who he created them to be, he realized he hadn’t been helping them be successful.
Ron shares a story about his experience with a colleague of his named Reid. They were both making snide remarks about each other and creating each other to be “assholes.” But they found out they had a lot in common and became close friends. Couldn’t that be the case for any two people?
Michelle asks how that transition happened. Did he decide one day to say to himself, “Reid is a great guy?” Ron says that it started by creating a story about himself that he was open to Reid. The second part is reaching out and being vulnerable.
Michelle asks Ron about how he started changing his stories about others and how long it took. Ron says he’s still working on it, but he has certain practices that he does. He created who Michelle was for him before this podcast, as well as the listeners.
Telling himself, “I surrender to…” is one way that he commits to being in the “now.”
Michelle shares that “surrender” is one of her husband’s favorite words, and he uses it often in situations he can’t change. Ron says that the word allows him to just “be me.”
Ron asks: What would it be like if we all created our way of being and others’ ways of being before every interaction? What if everyone was open and authentic, every person felt like they belonged, and everyone felt they could bring up any questions or concerns without being judged?
Michelle said the word that comes to her mind is “trust.” She asks Ron whether there’s another word he would use. Ron says “love” is the word he would use. It’s total acceptance of who another person is.
Ron and Michelle discuss how it can be more difficult to change your perspective around creating ways of being for others when you’ve created other habits. They wonder what it would be like if you taught younger children about creating ways of being for others.
Join us to hear how understanding the idea of “self talk” — and what you can do about it — could change your relationships and life for the better.