What If "That's Just Who I Am" Is Only a Story?

Episode 4: Crafting Your Way of Being

What if the person you believe yourself to be isn't who you have to be?

Maybe you've always thought of yourself as shy, introverted, or someone who follows rather than leads. Maybe you've spent years telling yourself, "That's just who I am."

But what if that's simply a story you've been telling yourself - and you could create a different one?

In this episode of The Story in Your Head, Ron Macklin and Michelle Mosolgo explore how the stories we create about ourselves shape our choices, relationships, and leadership. Through personal experiences, they examine what happens when we begin noticing those stories and deliberately choose who we want to be.

The Stories We Mistake for Who We Are

Most of us have stories about ourselves that feel like facts.

"I'm shy."

"I'm not a leader."

"I'm an introvert."

"I'm not qualified."

We may have carried these stories since childhood. Some came from things other people said about us. Others developed from experiences we interpreted in a particular way.

Over time, we stop questioning them.

Ron shares how he spent years believing he was shy and quiet. That story gave him a reason not to speak up in groups. It wasn't until his 30s that he began recognizing something important: he had created that story, and he could create another one.

Michelle describes a similar experience with her identity as an introvert. Even after recognizing how that story limited her participation, she sometimes found it comfortable to hold onto.

Changing a familiar story isn't always easy. Sometimes the story we know feels safer than the possibilities we haven't explored.

What Happens When You Challenge Your Own Story?

Ron recalls his childhood experiences playing team sports. He was comfortable following the popular kids, until his team started losing.

At some point, he made a different choice. Rather than continuing to follow, he began stepping forward and leading, even when he was scared.

That experience became an important lesson he carried into business.

Michelle shares a defining moment from her career as CIO of a Japanese pharmaceutical company. Despite holding an executive position, she questioned whether she belonged there.

Then the company's COO told her something simple: "You belong here."

Michelle chose to accept that possibility. She began telling herself a different story about who she was and how she could show up as a leader.

The circumstances hadn't changed. Her position hadn't changed.

What changed was the story she chose to hold about herself.

Being Afraid Doesn't Mean You Can't Lead

One of Ron's central ideas is that everyone is afraid.

Fear isn't evidence that we're incapable. It's part of being human.

The question is what we choose to do when we're afraid.

Ron describes paying attention to his body as a way of noticing when a story is taking hold. Tension or discomfort can become an opportunity to ask what he's telling himself in that moment.

Rather than automatically acting from that story, he can choose another way of being.

This is an important distinction in leadership development.

Leadership isn't about becoming someone who never experiences fear. It's about developing the ability to notice what's happening, recognize the story you're holding, and choose how you want to show up.

That takes practice.

How Leaders Help Others See New Possibilities

Sometimes we need another person to help us see a possibility we haven't considered.

Ron remembers being asked to serve as an expert early in his career, even though he didn't believe he was qualified. Someone else's confidence in him helped him begin seeing himself differently.

Michelle experienced something similar when her COO told her she belonged in her executive role.

These experiences raise an important leadership question:

What becomes possible for someone when another person genuinely believes in them?

Ron explains that people often develop ways of protecting themselves when they're afraid. Some become quiet and withdraw. Others become loud or defensive.

Rather than treating those behaviors as fixed personality traits, we can become curious about what's underneath them.

And we can look for opportunities to offer someone a different possibility.

Ron asks himself:

"What line can I toss that shows them I believe in them?"

Sometimes a single conversation can help someone begin creating a different story about who they are and what they're capable of accomplishing.

Who Are You Choosing to Be?

Crafting your way of being begins with noticing.

Noticing the stories you tell yourself.

Noticing when fear is influencing your choices.

Noticing when "That's just who I am" has become an explanation for something you no longer want to continue.

And then asking a different question:

Who do I want to be in this situation?

You don't have to wait until you feel confident. You don't have to eliminate fear. And you don't have to remain the person you've always believed yourself to be.

You can begin practicing a different way of being, one choice and one conversation at a time.

Ready to Practice a Different Way of Leading?

At MacklinConnection, we believe leadership isn't something you learn once. It's a practice of noticing the stories you hold, making conscious choices, and creating new possibilities with others.

Our workshops provide a place to develop those practices alongside people who are committed to growing as leaders and human beings.

Explore MacklinConnection Workshops & Programs

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