Who Are My Listeners?

As I practice, the lesson I hold most dear is the one where I remember I am the first person to whom I usually need to toss a line.

Inevitably, I am positioned to make something about me – even when I do not intend to do so. It is not my Stand. It is not my intent. It is just human. And I am still human – good thing!

Let’s say I am becoming annoyed by people asking me the same question. Do I need to toss a line to each of them to stop their questioning, or do I need to toss a line to me? Yup.

Let me share a recent example where I let a healthcare encounter produce a pretty powerful shift from annoyance to awareness as I realized what line I needed to toss to myself.

When I encounter our U.S. healthcare system, I inevitably find myself in a situation where health workers are asking me the same question over and over again. Can you relate? How does that make you feel? What mood are you in? How are you triggered? Who are you focused on?

When I notice this frequency pattern, I reflect, “This is going to be a long day if I am going to keep answering the same question” and “Good thing I know the answer.”

Then I tossed myself the line “Who are my listeners?” and I became aware instead of annoyed. As I again answered this same question, I noticed that the listeners were not the same. In fact, the health care system has the most diverse set of listeners I have noticed in a while.

One person is focused on making sure that I am the person they think I am so the right information is included in the right chart. Great purpose – good with that one. Ask away. Another person might be a nurse who is doing a profile on my current situation so the doctor can diagnose more effectively. Again, great purpose, so ask away. Another might be a lab tech, specialist, resident, nurse practitioner, etc. – any number of people who each plan a different role in my care.

As each asks the same question, I could get annoyed. And in my annoyance, I could start to shorten my answer. After all, I already answered it. But that listener didn’t hear the other answer – they are only hearing this answer. Each listener is listening from a different background and will create a different story from my answer in that context.

Because all those listeners talk and share, they improve my care if I answer each one to my best full ability to share, rather than becoming absorbed in my own annoyed Self.

When I notice this, I began to understand the concept of the “Wisdom of Crowds”. It isn’t the intelligence of any one person in the crowd; it is the stories listening produces across a diverse set of humans who share a concern and bring to the conversation their own perspective.

That one question that seems so common is a different question since the answer is listened to from each leader’s unique perspective.

How cool is that!

I now hold this new interpretation on repetitive questioning and can toss this line to myself, “Who are my listeners?” when I’m bothered by this. In fact, I can toss the line, “Who are your listeners?” to help design conversations and lines within groups, especially groups who work together a lot and may have lost the ability to notice listeners’ differences because they seem to share a language.

Does your team have that one person you can count on to raise a potential challenge to a given course of action? Do you have someone who looks to dismiss any obstacle as insignificant – even the big ones you really ought to notice? Do you have someone who holds the perspective of how this might impact the people who would have to change?

All those folks are different listeners to the responses you give to questions or to the lines you toss.

So, my challenge to you is to notice how you are thrown when you are asked what seems to be a repetitive question, or, in fact, any question. Does your reaction shut down people asking you the question because they do not want to annoy you, or they feel the need to be ‘efficient’?

The next time you become annoyed with a repetitive question, or with any question. Practice tossing yourself the line, “Who are my listeners? And why do they care about my response to the question?” Spaces to learn are everywhere.

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